i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
