She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
