i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
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Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
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I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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