Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
someone owes me an orgasm
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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