cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
no, he came in my armpit
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
