I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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