You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i think i just lost a toe
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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