I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
this just has baby written all over it
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
