she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
