ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
