i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
