My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
