I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My penis needs a shock collar
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
