he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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