Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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