i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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