just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
