My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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