did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
