I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
