Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
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She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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