I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i believe in u and ur pee
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
