Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize