so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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