Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
