who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Randomize