maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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