Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
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