i think my tv is drunk
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize