she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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