dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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