You smell like a Billy Joel song
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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