She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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