I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
