I can tuck mytits in my pants
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
