I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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