So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
