WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
