she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize