Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
we're so committed to being not committed
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
