i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
