Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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