I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
