I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Randomize
