I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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