I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
