I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
