Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
