Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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