she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
