Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
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If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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