i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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