Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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