Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
