He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
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There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
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Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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