Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
