I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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