stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Mom said you looked used
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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