is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's blow job season.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
