Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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