Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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