You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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