alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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